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At a first look, Shiro seems to be fine. Yes, he's a little pale and the scar on his nose stands even more, a dark red line that cut Shiro's perfect face. But Keith knows better, and it's the strange clothes Shiro's wearing, or the metal arm he has now in place of his human one, and not even the fact that he came back in a strange alien pod. And not even the fact that Shiro, who has always been tall and big, he now seems even taller and bigger, all muscles under that thin purple bluise.
No, it's the small turn of Shiro's smile, the way he murmurs "I'm fine" when clearly he isn't, the way his eyes wander a little before answering, as they are unable to focus on the actual situation.
What all that means, Keith isn't sure.
"I don't have much," he says, as he rasps in the old wardrobe. "But my pa's clothes should be around your size."
With a spuff of clothes, he comes near the bed Shiro still lays down, a little smile on his face.
"Are you sure I can use them?" Shiro asks. "They are your father's...."
"They aren't my size, my pa was bigger than you." Keith shrugs. "Nobody is using them anymore, you know. It's either this or I'm going to throw him out sooner or later."
Shiro doesn't seem convinced by it - and he's right since Keith didn't throw the clothes until now, he didn't throw anything that was his father. Yet, Shiro decides to not argue about it anymore, probably realizing that he would only force Keith to lie more.
"Thank you," he says, and he stands up and he takes the clothes.
For a second, they look at each other as none of them know how to act. There has been more intimacy between them before (not the intimacy Keith wanted, but a simple way to touch and see each other) and now there isn't anymore. Shiro doesn't want to show it, but Keith notices he doesn't want to stay too near.
"Well, I wait you outside," Keith says in the end, with a little smile, and he turns to go out without Shiro stopping him. He closes the door behind him and ignores the look that the others three reserve him.
As the time passes, it seems that Shiro regains some sort of normalcy, gave by the fact he sees himself back with other Terrans, doing something he wants to and he's not prisoner anymore. The touch with Keith returns, and even increases from before, like Shiro is more touch-starved than before. And by the way he lets others touching him too, he's definitely taking a better grip on his body.
Yet, there is only a thing that doesn't improve: Shiro doesn't want to change in front of others. The first time it happened, Keith was more focused on Pidge acting like that, and it was easily explained by the fact she didn't want to reveal her true identity yet. Once she did, her way to stay apart when they wear the paladin armor become normal. Shiro still hasn't a justification for that.
But, even better than Pidge, he's pretty careful to not end up in situation where he has to change in front of others. He still remains with the armor since the morning, ready to pilot if the situation needs it.
Keith doesn't ask.
They are piloting their lions against one of Haggar's robeast. This one isn't strong by itself, but it has a small laser that drains their energy, so sometimes they have to pull down to recover, and this let the robeast time to recover too.
"We don't have a choice," Shiro says. "We need to let it suck our energy, only in that way we may be able to hit him, being so near."
"I don't want to look pessimistc," Hunk says, "but can we hit it if we don't have anymore energy?"
"You are pessimistic," Lance protests.
"I can make a brief calculation," Pidge intervenes. "If I see that our levens decrease over a certain point, I'll warn you so we can pull if off in time."
"Good job. Let's go, then. Keith, are you ready?"
"Always."
Keith presses his bayard inside the lion and the sword appears on Voltron's hand. Voltron flies towards the robeast and immediately they feels they energy being drained from it.
"Don't stop!" Shiro orders, and they don't.
Keith grits his teeth and doesn't falter, one hand still on his bayard and another one on his control panel, as he pushes and pushes. He feels like a pulling, something that tries to make him leave his spot, and he pushes even more, until he feels the sword passing through the robeastt's metal body and then exploding in the space in thousand piece.
As the others around cheer for their victory, Keith legs himself relaxing to the seat. He looks at the window and instead of the usual space he see from it, he sees the Red Lion, turned into an arm, sword still in its mouth or hand.
But it can't be possible, because he's supposed to be in the Red Lion, not looking from outside. He looks around and realizes he isn't holding the bayard anymore, and his control panel hasn't the red light anymore but a dark shade of purple.
"Guys, I think I have a problem," he says, and he freezes immediately as that's Shiro's voice that comes off his own mouth. The control panel shuts down immediately, as the Black Lion recognizes it isn't Shiro anymore in his cockpit,
"What problem?" Hunk asks immediately.
"I think Keith is right," his own voice comes throught the comms, but of course it isn't Keith speaking.
"Are you talking now in third person, mullet?" Lance asks.
"I'm not Keith," Keith's voice replies.
"Yeah, and I'm an altean prince."
"I'm serious, I'm Shiro."
"And I'm Keith," Keith adds, with Shiro's voice.
"Okay, we definitely have a problem," Pidge comments.
In someway, the Red and the Black Lion are trained by the others inside the Castle. When Keith exits from the cockpit, he finds the others already waiting for him. There's Shiro too. Or Shiro in his body, he guesses? This is so confusing!
Shiro's body is hard to move, he realizes. He's taller and broader than Keith, which means Keith isn't used to see things from that heigh, and also the distance between him and everything else are different. When he lifts his arms to take off the helmet, he notices the metal arm, heavy at his side. He wonders if Shiro is getting used to it better.
"So let make this clear," Lance says. "You're Shiro," and he points at Keith's body, "and you're Keith?"
"Yes, Lance, it's exactly like that," Shiro says tired, and in someway with Keith's voice he sounds even more annoyed about Lance's attict.
"This is so weird..."
"How do you think it could have been happened, Allura?" Pidge asks.
"The only explanation I have," she starts, crosses her arm, "is that the robeast was about to take of all their quintessences and, when it got destroyed, the confusion mixed up them, and they ended up in the wrong body."
"Why only them?" Lance asks. And then he shivers, "I mean, I'm happy it doesn't happy because just imagining the idea of my beautiful soul inside mullet's body..." he stops, as he has a sudden thought. "Or even worse, if Keith ends up in my handsome body...!"
"I guess it's because their two lions were nearer the source of the quintessence stealing machine," Allura says at last, trying to ignore Lance, who is still complain g about other people ending up in his body, and apparently only Shiro's soul will be worthy of it, a sentence with Shiro's answer with a little, embarassed snort that Keith doesn't miss.
So he asks, "It's reversible?"
"It should be, if we create something able to extract and move back the quintessence. But to be truth I haven't see anything like that. I may try to check in my father's researches if I find something about it."
"Please do. This is so weird." Lance throws a look around.
"It's me and Shiro in this situation," Keith says, "the why are you the one freaked out?"
"I'm not freaked out," Lance is outraged by the accusation, "I'm just describing the situation correctly. And I don't want you in. Shiro's body for so long."
"Pidge, do you still have all the calculations from the robeast's signature?" Hunk asks. "Studying them may give us some information about how to recreate a similar machine."
She nods. "I have, but I need time to check them and out an order to them."
"Okay, listen," Shiro says, and it's the first time he speak after the accident. "We're all tired from the battle and a little weirded out about this situation, but we already sees strange things in space. My suggestion is that we all take a break and then tomorrow Allura can check in his papers and Hunk and Pidge can work on built something."
It's incredible how much weigh Shiro can have even if he's speaking inside Keith's body. Everyone listen to him and nod together, agreeing with him.
"This is so strange," Lance repeats. " I've never thought I would have seen mullet gives orders around."
"Well, adapted to it," Shiro replies dry, and he seems a little bit upstanding about the situation than before.
"I'll let you at your rest, then, Paladin," Allura says, and she turns towards Coran, who nods.
"I'll procure you the documents you will need, princess."
They leave for another direction, since their quarters are in a different area than the paladins, while they move towards their room: Lance first, still mumbling under his breath, then Hunk and Pidge, who are already talking about how to out up a machine for the quintessence that may be useful, then Shiro and Keith. Shiro is throwing looks to Keith, from time to time, hoping Keith won't notice; a difficult task, since Keith really keeps his eyes on him.
"It is a little strange," Shiro says, with a little amused smile. "Just like when I thing everything strange that can happen already happened to me."
"I'm really sorry, Shiro."
"It's not your fault," Shiro says immediately, "and between all the bodies, I think I feel mostly comfortable in yours, so, yeah." He smiles again, and this time Keith recognizes his way to hide problems under the rug. "I wonder if with the body we also gain the ability. I wish I can pilot like you for once."
"Shiro-"
"Okay, guys, I'm here and I tell you goodbye," Lance comments, pointing at the door of his room. "Please, wake me up tomorrow when you have make things right, I'll be happy to avoid this weirdness as possible. Also, I'll be busy with my beauty treatment. Bye."
Pidge rolls her eyes. "Can we use him as a cavia?"
"You may, but I'm not sure anyone here will be ready to exchange his body with Lance's" Keith says.
"Ugh," Pidge comments.
"I'm pretty sure also the only body Lance will accept will be Allura's and you know how it'll end up," Hunk says. And, at Pidge's confused look, he adds, "he's probably gonna touch her breast."
"Ugh," she repeats. "No offense, guys, but I'm happy it happened to you two. You can handle this, in your shoes I would have freaked out more. Especially with Lance in the mix."
Strange enough, Shiro doesn't answer to that. Usually, he'll be the first to try and amend their behavior towards Lance. Instead, he just stands here, a little embarrassed. It's Keith then that intervenes, "this situation is strange for everyone. The soon will amend it, the better."
At that point, Shiro nods. "Go to bed."
"You're not my mother," Pidge complains.
"No, but I know you well enough to understand you would like to study your records right now." He smiles at Pidges's annoyed look. "Rest. The records will be there tomorrow, and we will need your brain at 100% for them."
She seems convinced, and both she and Hunk waves their hands before disappearing inside their respective rooms. Keith looks at Shiro.
"So, what we do now?" He asks. "Do you want to sleep in your room? It's not very different from me, I don't have nothing with me..."
"If you don't mind, I prefer sleeping in your room," Shiro says. "I know it should be the contrary but we have a lot of mess in our heads and I feel letting the body correspond to the object can help us out."
"Sure, no problem," Keith says. "After all, it's not like I can put on my clothes now, right?"
He's about to enter in the room, when Shiro stops him again. "Would you like me to help taking off the armor?" He asks. "You aren't used to by body and the arms, so maybe it'll be easy if I give you a hand."
Keith reflects for a little: it's true the metal arm is a big weight on his right side, and the balance of things still a little off because if the height difference, but he's pretty sure he can handle himself. Yet, he looks at Shiro's, at the way he can recognize Shiro's expression on his own face, and he nods.
"That may be a good idea."
Shiro visibly relaxes, and he follows Keith inside the room.
"So, how do you want to do it?" Keith asks. "Maybe I should sit down?"
"No, standing is fine..." his voice trailes off as he realizes that in that condition is definitely too short for that. "Ops, ignore it, sit down please."
Keith obeys and sits on the edge of his bed, and remains silent as Shiro begins his work. His hands move sicure on Keith's body, taking off the armor piece by piece and putting them in order on the ground. Keith really hopes that being in Shiro's body avoid it to have very inappropriate reactions. But luckily the fact that Shiro is in his own body is so strange that Keith can't really think to every thing else.
He stares at Shiro's movement, looking literally at his body as he acts, and he realizes that he dreams about it, he dreams at the idea of taking care of Shiro after a battle, letting Shiro check his wound and everything. But Shiro never allows him, or anyone else for that matter, he just says good bye to everyone and jumps in his room, his armor dirty. And then he comes off with Keith's dad's clothes, or with the clean armor, and he does everything without the help of anyone.
Yet, here he is, helping Keith taking off his armor. Keith doesn't say anything, but it's clear Shiro has a motif behind this course of action, and Keith would feel a little used if this wasn't Shiro, and surely the motive is a right one, or a least one Keith may agree with.
"Turn a little," Shiro says, once he takes off all the armor. "Unless you'd prefer to sleep with you under suit..."
"Not really," Keith says, and he turns a little on the side, his back in Shiro's direction.
"I should inform you I don't have a pajama."
"Me neither. I'm used to sleep with my normal clothes on."
"Oh, okay!" And he seems a little bit happy of that simple knowledge.
He puts down the zip and reveals the skin of the neck and then the bare back, and Keith doubts he's going to have the same desire of kissing that neck. Slowly, he takes off the sleeves, on more side.
"Stay put," he orders, as he stands up to grab the clothes. "Hands up." He let slide first he t-shirt, then the jacket, without even asking Keith for it.
"I think I can do that alone," Keith says, when Shiro moves to take off the under suit from his legs. It's a compromising position even in that condition. Shiro seems a little bit fine with this, an just nods a little. He still takes the pants to pass to Keith once he manages to pull off the under suit. It isn't such a big problem, the way he has to bend down and and pull it off by the edges. Shiro looks at the operation intently, so Keith does it fast as possible.
"Thanks," he says, taking the pants from Shiro's hand. He puts it on and suddenly Shiro seems even more relaxed than before.
"Well, that's it." Even so, Shiro doesn't seem eager to leave. But in the end he says, "goodnight."
"Don't you want a hand too?" Keith asks then."My body is a little bit comfortable, but maybe you can have a nice way to adapt to it?"
Shiro seems to consider the offer for a second, but then nods. "No, thanks, I think I'm fine. Don't worry," he adds with a smile, "I'm going to take nice care of your body." And he winks in a way that make Keith groans inside. He's pretty sure Shiro doesn't mean anything sexual, yet - God, Keith realizes just in that moment that he's really in Shiro's body, he could touch it and caresses it and looks at it in a way he desires for a long time.
But it's not Lance, so it's not going to do that. When Shiro leaves the room with a last goodbye, Keith lies down, cover himself with the sheet and tries to smile,
Of course, the sleep isn't prone to arrive. Keith turns a lot inside the small bed, changes positions, tried to count wold and sheeps, and in the end he resigns at the idea that the body is definitely too different from himself and his own soul is feeling like he had something weighty upon his normal body.
Keith knows he has to sleep because probably he will need all his energy tomorrow, both from Pidge and Hunk's experiments and because they need to be ready if Zarkon attacks again. Yet, he also knows himself good enough to realize if he'll be able to sleep, even with fatigue. This is not the case.
The metal arm emerges from the sheet and Keith, in the dim light if the room, tries to look closer at it. It weights, Keith notices the slow pull it brings to Keith's right shoulder, yet it isn't as heavy as a normal metal arm should be. Keith turns the hand back and forth, and tries to bend the finger, impressed by how much they respond to his movements. Until that moment, he thought it's Shiro able to use it at best.
And as his thoughts go to Shiro immediately, he wonder how it was for Shiro to have that arm all day. There is probably a feeling like Keith's one, to be in a stranger body, to not recognize themselves. Shiro doesn't remember how he gets that arm, but considering it's a weapon and he was a gladiator, it isn't so far fetcher making an hypothesis about it.
Keith also suspects that Shiro may remember it, and just not talking about it, because Shiro is like that he doesn't want other people to see him like a liability, or pity him. Like Keith is scared that people will leave him, Shiro is scared that people will stop him by doing things. Keith just hopes that soon or later, Shiro will realize he can count on Keith just as Keith counts on him.
The urge to pee is becoming unbearable, and Keith realizes that his plan to not pee at all so he won't have to look at Shiro's dick is impossible. With a sigh, he stands up and reaches the bathroom, he turns on the light and takes a look at the water. The metal arm has no sensibility, so maybe it'll be a little different if he touches the dick with it.
With a last sigh he takes down his pants and sits down in the water. For once he forgets about the entire situation thanking the relief he's feeling, and between all the strange thing the alteans invented, the automatic cleaning from the water is something he appreciates, so he doesn't have to clean Shiro's dick.
It's when he stands up to wash his hands, that he notices that Shiro's bathroom doesn't have a mirror. In Keith's one, there is a mirror just over the sink, and another one, bigger and taller, on the opposite side of the shower - apparently alteans love to look at their naked, wet body, or at least Coran said so.
At a first thought, Keith doesn't really pay attention, thinking that maybe Shiro took the unlucky room without mirrors, but a better look reveals the truth. The mirrors were broken. On the metal wall of the ship Keith can still see the boobs of a fist, and it't not hard to imagine the entire scene.
Keith has no doubt Shiro is the one to do that. In his mind, the scene plays in a way Shiro throws the punch with his metal arm, no different how he did with Sendak's pod, the way the mirror cracks like a spider's net, and then Shiro that meticulous takes off every piece and breaks them more, and then throws them in the water, his empty gaze as he flushes the toilet.
At this point, Keith realizes he won't be able to sleep before discovering what Shiro is hiding this time. His action will be a huge violation of Shiro's privacy, but Keith did already something like that when he spied on his private conversation with Sanda and Sam, and he knows sometimes Shiro needed to be push a little bit before being able to confide in others.
In the hallway, there are more rooms than the ones the paladins used. Empty rooms, Keith peeps outside the door of his own, and when he's sure nobody is around, he jumps inside an empty one. It's exactly like the others, only the position the bed is different, and Keith finds the mirrors in the bathroom as they should be.
In the light, he looks at Shiro's facial features. He changed since the Garrison time, the jaws is even more harsh, the scar gives him a badass look, but the little white lock of his hair contributes a restore Shiro's cute appearance. The eyes are still the same, though. Slowly, Keith caresses the mouth and the jaws with the point of his human finger point.
Shiro probably sees himself differently now, but for Keith is always beautiful.
With a deep sigh, Keith takes off his jacket and then his t-shirt. He needs to know what Shiro's trying to hide by not undressing in front of others.
And, there, in the light of the bathroom, he knows.
Shiro's chest is covered in scars.
The most evidently one is the one on the right arm, right where the metal arm is attached. There are whites stripes there, erupting from the metal like sunrise. Keith rubs a little the edge of the metal arm that start a little under the shirt, and wonder how they were made.
But there are others than that. There is a curvilinear serie of point around the left shoulder that looks like a bite of some animals with fangs; one long half moon one on the left hips, definitely a cut or a slash, another one under the chest, a circular one below the abdomen who looks like something that pierced the directly the skin; three horizontal point under the collarbone, like the sign of a trident.
And they are only the most evident ones. The skin is marked basically everything by cuts a bruises,
Some older and fading away, almost invisible, yet Keith doesn't miss them. With a tremble hand, he caresses one of them, sagging the way the skin is little different there, softer.
In Keith's eyes, Shiro is still beautiful. It's Shiro gorgeous self that lures Keith first, and all those scars for Keith are the symbol of Shiro's strength, of Shiro's survival, the way he returned back to Keith.
Yet, it's not hard to imagine how much different those scars are for Shiro, and how much differently he looks at them, and why he doesn't want anyone else looking at him.
Without any look at the mirror, Keith put on the clothes back and returns in his room.
It's Shiro that wakes him up the next morning, and it does surprise Keith more than the fact he actually managed to sleep.
"Morning, sleepyhead," Shiro jokes. "I take it that my body is comfortable?"
"It's soft," Keith agrees. "Why are you here?"
"To help you dressing up," Shiro says. Keith notices he already wears the paladin armor. "I guess you didn't adapt to my body in your sleep, correct?"
"Guess no."
It's an excuse, and a poor one, Keith realizes now. But it isn't going to let Shiro down in that moment, he just nods a legs Shiro doings his things. Shiro does everything until the under suit, then he lets Keith helping him with the rest of the armor.
"I don't consider you unable," he says. "It's just a strange situation, and we need to help each other."
"Sure." Keith appreciates a lot that Shiro is still trying to make him feel better, or at least trying to avoid that his behavior is misinterpret by Keith in a bad way.
They join the other at the breakfast, where Pidge and Hunk are discussing deeply about the way to create the machine, and they seem in disagreement about the design of it. Lance is grumbling on himself, sad that he's excluded by the conversation, and at the same time Shiro and Keith's presence, in the situation they're in, are not comfort.
Allura comes to bring him out his misery. "Okay, Paladins. I made some researches and finds out something like that happened in the past. It wasn't caused by a robeast, of course, but there is the calculation for building a similar machine. If we do it with Pidge's calculation we should be able to revert the effect in no time."
"Finally!" Lance exclaims. "What are we waiting for?"
He does a lot to effort to help Pidge and Hunk to build the machine, and even if Keith thinks that his efforts are slowler down the work than help it, he doesn't say that to avoid conflict.
"It's ready," Pidge announces, proud and happy. "Please enters in the pod."
Keith nods and steps in, Shiro enters in the pod next to him and throws him a little smile.
"Get ready!" Pidge says, and claps his hands. "It should be painful... or at least I think so."
The machine starts, and a light brights inside the pod. Keith feels the same pull he'd felt inside the Red Lion, and he closes his eyes without notices.
"Keith?" Hunk's voice calls.
"Yes?" Keith answers, and he realizes immediately that it doesn't work by the sound of his own voice.
A cheer of disappointment welcomes that news, while Shiro just smile at him and shrugs a little. They step out their pod.
"I don't understand," Pidge complains. "My calculations were correct!"
"Maybe they have to be inside the lions?" Hunk proposes. "We can use them like a vector for thr machine instead of the pods."
"Guess it's worthy an attemp," Allura sighs.
"But in which lion?" Lance intervenes, and for the first time he does an interesting comment at the situation. "Shiro in Keith's body in Black or Red?"
Allura reflects serious to the question, and in the end she says, "let's try first in how they was at the moment of the happening."
But no matter how many attempts they did, how many times they change the lions or the position, or even the attempt they make in the utter space, they don't manage to switch Shiro and Keith in their own body. Even worse, they understand Keith and Shiro are unable to pilot their lion, and even the other's lion, because apparently the messing up of their bodies messes up also with the way the lions perceive them.
Pidge enters in the 'I have to understand this even if it cost me my life' and they have to literally force her to stop and go to dinner (luckily she's small).
"There should be some mistakes in the matching ups between alteans one and the robeast," Pidge still grumbls under her breath. "I have to recalculate everything now."
"You're not doing anything right now," Shiro admonish her. "You're too tired, you did math all day. You're going to rest, Keith and I can resist another day."
"It's so quiznack weird when you talk like it in Keith's body."
"Finally someone else says that!" Lance exults. "That's my problem since yesterday."
"Maybe Shiro may write down what he wants to say and Keith can say it on his behalf." Hunk proposes. "So we won't freak out."
"No."
"You're no fun, man," Lance protests.
"It'll be a loss of time," Keith says, "and we don't have any. If Zarkon attacks now, we won't be able to defend ourself with two lions down. Wasting time is the last thing we need to do."
"I was joking, Keith," Hunk says softly.
"Oh."
Shiro places a hand on Keith's shoulder. "Keith is just tired of bringing along my old bones."
"That's no true," Keith says immediately. "I can take it. I can take everything of you."
Shiro blushes a little and it's very strange to see it on his own face. Lance, on the other side, whistles a little.
"I hooe you realized how what you said sounds."
But the problem is that Keith means it, every shade of it.
In the evening, Shiro becomes more and more agitated. Of course nobody else but Keith realizes that, and they consider his urge to go to bed his way to make them rest after a tiresome day. But Keith knows better, and he also realizes Shiro is trying very hard to make up another excuse to help Keith undressing, now that an entire day passed and Keith proved in more occasions to be at ease inside it.
"Would you like a hand?" He still asks, "my body is still a little big uncomfortable, all that muscles..." he chuckles a little, nervous.
Keith gestures at him to enter, because he doesn't want to have that conversation in the hallway, even if it's empty because the other are back in their rooms. But once the door closes behind them, Keith turns on him, serious.
"Do you trust me, Shiro?"
"Of course I do."
"Then, please, you don't have to make up excuses. If you want something from me, justbecause you're feeling bad, or you're uncomfortable with something, please tell me. You know I'm doing everything to help you."
It's so strange doing that discourse with Shiro's own voice, but the surprise on Shiro's eyes it isn't for that. At a certain point, Shiro's lips turn a little into a sad smile, and he lowers his gaze.
"I didn't want to lie to you."
"I know."
There is another moment of silence, then Shiro sighs. "I don't want you to look at me. The thing I did, the thing I became... It's all on my body. And I don't want anyone to look at me, not even you."
"I understand." Keith nods. "You know I'm not going to judge you, right?"
"I know," Shiro says, "but I will do. I will judge myself."
Keith wants to hug him, to kiss every single one of that scars, and culling him telling him that everything is going to be okay, but he can't, Shiro won't allow it. So he just nods and sits down on the bed. He can't promise he won't look, because he already did it, and now he regrets it a little, but at least he can let Shiro relax by not looking as he undresses him.
And then Pidge enters in the room. "I have it! The solution!" She exclaims. Then, she blinks, "what are you guys doing? Did I interrupt something?"
"No, I was just helping Keith with the armor."
"Shiro's big, you know."
"Well, stop because you will need that armor. I find the mistake in the calculations, this time I'll bring you back in your body."
And she is right. Returning back in his own body is strange, for Keith, and he can't help but thinking back about Shiro's skin, about how it is alla scarred and marked by what happened to him. From Shiro's part there aren't any improvements. He still keeps changing alone and avoid every time people could see at him.
Keith waits until he's ready.
Keith's the first to reach the ship, after Black transported it inside the Castle. He opens the door and Shiro stumbles in his arm, panting hard. He's paled, he looks hungry, and he has long, messy hair but he's there, he's real and he's alive.
"Relax, you're safe," Keith whispers. "Now Allura will bring you to the pod-"
"No," Shiro says immediately, his voice raspy. "Don't let them see me."
There is panic in his voice, so Keith nods. "Sure. Let's go."
The others are already there, even if they wait a little bit far from the pod, so Keith turns his head a little and shakes it. Lance, who is about to scream and jumps on Shiro, stops immediately. They watch, in awe and relieved, when Keith and Shiro walks over them. Shiro walks slowly, totally leaned against Keith's shoulder, and he doesn't seem to have noticed their presence. He pants hard, surely for the recently lack of oxygen. Keith tries to adeguate his step to Shiro's and then, since his room is near, he opens that door instead of Shiro's own room.
"Okay," he murmurs, as he lets Shiro sits very delicately. In a rush, he takes some clothes from Shiro's room an places it on the bed.
"I'm going to bring you some water and food, okay?"
"Yes, please."
Keith nods. "Don't worry, you just... make yourself comfortable and rest."
He makes as fast as he can; Hunk foresaw it and he already made a little tray for him to bring to Shiro. When he goes back, he find Shiro in the same exact position he left him. He gives Shiro a little bit of time to change without being seen, yet Shiro doesn't move.
"Are you okay?"
"Not really."
But he doesn't add anything and he just grabs the tray Keith has in his hand. He eats something with his own hands, stuffing his mouth as much as he can, then drinks all the water. He then pushes back the tray, with half of the food still there.
"I'm tired."
"Okay. Yes. Just rest, we'll talk later."
"Wait," Shiro calls, just when Keith is about to leave the room. "Would you help me change, please?" And he point out at his astronaut suit.
The request takes Keith by surprise. He did everything to give Shiro his space, and until that moment nothing has changed about Shiro's preference of changing alone.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
There isn't doubt in Shiro's eyes, so Keith nods. Shiro gives him his back and let Keith opens the zip and then pushing down the suit. Behind it, Shiro is wearing a soft suit that doesn't correspond exactly like the prisoner suit. Keith put the suit on the ground and Shiro kicks it away, without moving.
Then, slowly, he lifts the arm to suggest Keith to continues. Keith takes off the upper part of the shirt, revealing the bare skin below. When Keith was in Shiro's body, he only gave a good look at his chest, now he can see that even the back is covered in scars.
There's a big stain that looks like a burn in the rein, another deep slash just below the shoulder, and three parallel cuts that looks like a whip sign. Keith resists barely at the idea of touching one of them, and takes a step backwards.
"Do you know what's the worst thing?" Shiro says, startling Keith a little.
"What?"
"About the scars, I mean," Shiro explains. "The wrong thing is that I remember every single one of them. I remember how I got it, if I think deep enough I can even remember the pain, the blood, the cheer of the crowd."
"Shiro..."
"You see the burn?" Shiro continues, as he hasn't even listen to him. "It happen to me to my second fight. It isn't Myzak, but another beast that fight with a torch. He was stronger, stronger than me, and I was hungry, and my illness is getting worse, so he managed to pin me in the ground with his torch. I was there, on the ground, the fire that ate my skin... and he did the mistake to come too near my arms with his legs. I made him tripping, then I pushes his own torch in his mouth." There is a guttural sound, like a small laugh. "I went out with a scar, he died."
"Shiro," Keith says, with more conviction. "You're tired. You need to rest, not thinking about it."
"It's strange," Shiro says. "I remember everything vividly. I remember the day I fought the Galra with the trident, I remember the day I faint on the arena because of the wound of the abdomen, I remember the day I woke up with the metal arm... but I can't feel anything. Like they didn't even happened to me."
"Maybe you're gettin better," Keith tries. "It's been a while."
"Maybe. And maybe I can't hide these scars anymore. After all, they're the proof I fought. I survived. I'm still here."
At that point, Keith don't hesitate. He throws himself against Shiro's back, he presses all his body against him, and hugs him from behind, the forehead against Shiro's skin.
"You're beautiful," Keith whispers. "You're not those scars. But if they're part of you, I'm going to love every single one of them. You don't have to hide them from me."
"You're right," Shiro whispers. "That's what I am."
Even if, by the way Shiro told it, it doesn't seem he likes what he is very much.
Thinking back later, Keith could have understand he wasn't the real Shiro by the way he reacted to the scars. But they were frantic days, and they became worse after Keith left the team, and Keith started to gain his own scars.
Once Shiro is back for real, he turns back to his old attics, but Keith has no reason to think he isn't trusting him on that. At that point, he knows Keith saw all of them. He still prefers to change alone, and Keith respects it.
When Keith returns in the room they shared on the Atlas, Shiro is already it, laying on the bed and reading something on his datapad, his pajama on.
"Hi, baby," Shiro welcomes him, with a bright smile. "How was the meeting?"
"Terrible." He takes off the red jacket of the uniform and throw it on the chair. "Also, you're the captain here. How is it you has been hesonerated to the meeting and even finished work before me?"
Shiro laughs. "It's not my fault the embassy asked specifically for the pilot of the Black Lion and decided that the Atlas' captain isn't so important to them."
"Their loss," Keith grumbles on himself. He takes off his pants and places uncerimously on the jacket. The boot has been abandoned near the door, and Keith uses his own feet to takes off the logs. The shirt is the last thing to leave his body, until Keith remains completely naked but for his small black pants.
When he turns, he notices Shiro has abandoned the datapad and he's looking at Keith, almost scrutinized him.
"Do you look what you're seeing?"
"Not really," Shiro answers, serious, but at first Keith takes it for a joke, and snorts.
"Don't worry, I'll free you from my presence."
He reaches the bathroom, and he washes his face a little to wash off also the annoyed and terrible part of the meeting. But his pajamas is in the room, so he returns in the room. Shiro has places the datapad on the bedtable, and he was looking at the bathroom's door. His eyes follow Keith as he gets to the bed and dig under the pillow to find his pajamas.
"I didn't mean to offend you before," Shiro says. "You're gorgeous, you know."
"I wasn't offended," Keith assures you.
"I was just thinking..." Shiro's voice become lower, sweet. "You have no problem showing me your body, and I still can't stay with you without my shirt off."
Keith stops his research. "Shiro, it's not a problem for me."
"It is for me." Shiro makes an annoyed sound. "You're here, with me, and have no problem whatsoever when I was the one scarring you like that."
"It wasn't you, it was Haggar."
there's a discourse they make a lot of time, and Keith is tired to repeat the same things every time, and tries more to understand Shiro's point to view, and he gets how hard it is accepting the fact that he ends up hurting something he loves. He ignores the pajamas and crawls on the bed next to Shiro.
"It's just a scar," Keith says. "If you think that this scar is going to stop me by staying with you, you're wrong. So find a better excuse for break up with me."
There's a moment of fear passing on Shiro's eyes. "I don't want to break up with you!"
Keith chuckles a little. "Once I was the one not understanding jokes."
"Be kind with me, I'm only six," Shiro pouts. He slides the hand over Keith back neck, and he pushes Keith nearer to kiss him. It's a slower kiss, soft and sweet.
"For real," Shiro whispers, "how do you manage to look at the mirror and not thinking about it?"
"I don't Keith replies. "I think about it every time, but it's not a bad memory for me. You're here with me now, and everything that happened back there is proof it it. I didn't regret any of I did there, and I don't really mind the scar."
"I see," Shiro murmurs.
"Things are differently for you," Keith continues. "I understand your situation. I won't never forced you to take off your shirt, not if you're not ready."
"I'm not," Shiro confirms. "But I wish I am."
"It's okay. I mean, I wish to see you naked too. I wish to see your gorgeous body, I wish to touch him and kiss him and everything."
Shiro coughs a little, embarrassed.
"But I won't give up on you just because of this. I will never give up on you."
There is a brief silence between them. Then Shiro takes one of Keith's hand and guides it slowly under his shirt. Keith can feel the roughness of the skin, and his fingers move a little and recognizes a couple of the scars he saw time ago.
"That's the maximum I can do for now," Shiro murmurs. "I don't think I'm ready for something else."
"You don't have to force yourself for me." Still, Keith doesn't move his hand from there.
"I'm not doing it for you. Not only for you," he amends himself. "I'm doing it for me. I'm tired to be disgusted of my body, at the point I can't even change in front of my boyfriend."
The word makes Keith's heart moving faster.
"I'm tired of not be able to look myself at the mirror because I hate what I am."
Keith crawls a little bit near and places his head in the curve of Shiro's neck. Shiro's breath is harsh, faster, only because Keith's hand is on his bare chest, even if Keith can't see it.
"You'll do it, Shiro, I'm sure of it," he murmurs. "You survive for things that everyone else would have be killed by. And I'll be there for you when you'll do. I'll be here for all the time you will need to do that."
There's now a little smile on Shiro's face. He closes his eyes and keeps Keith closer.
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