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The suitcase is ready. It has been ready for days by now, with Takashi that keeps taking off and put on things daily. Even with the list, he still fears he will bring with him the wrong things, so he can’t help but confronting all his clothes, his belongings, and so on.
Right now, he stares at the big poster hanged upon his bed. Takashi doesn’t want to let it alone at home: he can imagine in his head his mother as she tears it apart, taking advantage of Takashi’s absence. At the same time, he feels it be a little bit embarrassing bringing it with him. It’s not like he can hang up in his new room at the dorm and let all the other cadets knowing of his little obsession.
It’s not even a real poster, Takashi had made a COPISTERIA print a giant version of a newspaper photo just for himself. Definitely, he can’t let anyone see it, and more important it’s not like he’s going to go and ask Keith Kogane to sign it in plain sight. He already decided it’ll ask for the autograph on Takashi’s space album collection.
In the end, he decides to bring the poster with him. He doesn’t doubt the other cadets to be Kogane’s fans too. They’re talking about the Garrison’s best pilot after all. And Takashi won’t mind being called Kogane’s number one fan. Besides, he really likes the poster, the confident way Kogane smiles and the casual way he leans to his hoverbike, arms crosses on his leather jacket.
Takashi careful folds the poster and put it on top before closing the suitcase. He can say he’s ready, at the end. He brings the suitcase downstairs and places it next to the door, then joins his mother for breakfast.
She doesn’t greet him. His father already left for work. Both things do not surprise him, still Takashi wonders if they’ll regret it once he’s off. He doesn’t plan to return to Japan, at least not very soon. He plans to go very far away, out of Earth.
His family is a traditional Japanese one, with a mother that takes care of the house and a father that works twelve hours in the same company that hired him after university. They are unhappy with Takashi not being a traditional son. They blame him for his muscles disease. They are ready to organize OMIAI for him since the day he confesses to be homosexual. Takashi doesn’t expect them to appreciate his dream to become an astronaut, neither his decision to transfer in the USA to study at the Galaxy Garrison. They don’t.
Takashi eats his breakfast in silence. “Thanks for the meal,” says in the end. At least one of them can be polite.
His mother doesn’t answer. Takashi doesn’t care: the bell rings and he’s already up to open the door. His grandfather is there, and he smiles fondly at Takashi. People says Takashi is a lot like him, sweet, smart and big. Takashi is proud to be considered a small version of his grandfather.
“Are you ready?”
Takashi nods with strength. He takes his jacket and ties his shoes. It’s strange putting back his slippers in the wardrobe, knowing he won’t be there in the evening to take them back.
“Shirogane-san.”
His mother’s way to call his grandfather shows Takashi the big distance that there is between the two of them. His grandfather pretends to not notice as he smiles, but he greets her with just a small nod before taking the suitcase.
“Take care, mother,” Takashi says. “Goodbye.”
She observes both of them from the door of the kitchen, as she expects Takashi to change his mind and return and ask for forgiveness. Takashi leaves the house without looking back. His grandfather doesn’t comment further.
He places the suitcase in the car and start driving towards the Sapporo airport. He points out at the small package placed on the backseat. “Your grandmother prepared something to eat for the travel. Dorayaki. Once we land in Phoenix, we’ll call her.”
“Great.” Takashi looks at the small package with an affectionate smile, remembering the strong hug his grandmother gave him the evening before, when he went to their house for saying goodbye before his departure. He will miss only two things of Japan, and they are his grandparents.
“I’m sorry you have to accompany me,” Takashi says.
“Oh, don’t worry, little one,” his grandfather replies. “It’s not I have better to do. Plus, I really want to meet that idol of you.”
Takashi sputters. “What? What idol?”
“The one you have countless photos in you room.”
“He’s not my idol,” Takashi protests.
“Well, he’s the reason you’re going, isn’t it?”
“No, he isn’t,” Takashi replies. “He’s just the best pilot out there and I admire his flight stile, that’s all.”
He crosses his arm, pouting, and his grandfather releases a small chuckle, but he doesn’t add anything.
It’s true that he has a lot of photo of Keith Kogane (all the one available of him, and they aren’t much to be fair honest) and it is true he speaks a lot about him. Being interesting in space, it’s only natural being informed about a pilot that breaks all the records and only as a twenty-three years old. Kogane’s flight test are out there, in internet, as an example for everyone. Takashi has seen a huge amount of them, always lured by the way Kogane flies. By the way he does maneuvers that looks impossible, still he manages to do them.
Well, okay, Takashi might be a little bit obsesses with Keith Kogane. And he could be one of the reason Takashi wants to go specifically to the Galaxy Garrison.
Not the only one, Takashi convinces himself of. He loves the idea of space and of being an astronaut. Maybe because the space seems so far to the mundane problems of his parents’ life. The vastness of space calls him. And he chose the Galaxy Garrison because he wants to prove himself: to show that despite his disease he still can be great and he still can be accepted by one of the best school for pilots in the world.
And he did. He got accepted. He’s going to be an astronaut, and the best one of all them, even better than Keith Kogane. His disease can be damned.
“You’ll be fine, Takashi,” his grandfather assures him. “You passes all the tests with the highest grades. Includes the physical ones. You’ll be great.”
“Thank you, ji-chan.”
Still, Takashi has a grip on his throat as the airport comes into view. There is no turning back now.
***
Takashi passes over all the luggage and the suitcases that are in the hallway to reach the number of his room. All the cadets arrive at the Garrison and are taking their spot on their dorm the weekend before the beginning of the lessons, the next Monday. Takashi can feel the excitation in the air and he can’t wait to start.
He looks at the small paper he has in his hand and then at the numbers around: the door of his supposed room is opens. He drags his suitcase behind him and enters. A boy with scruffy dark blond hair is there, knelled down, ruffling his hands in his opened backpack and spreading his things around.
“Good morning,” Takashi says.
The boy lifts his head and looks at him with a small frown.
“This is my room,” Takashi explains.
“Oh, sure, of course.” He jumps still and smiles. “Sorry for the mess. I don’t find my documents anymore, wonder where they end. So… we’re gonna be roommate. Cool. I’m Matt.”
Takashi observes the hand Matt leans towards him and decides the best course of action is to shake it, so he does. “Shirogane Takashi.”
“Japanese, right?” Matt says, with a smile. Then, after Takashi small nods, he adds “Don’t worry, Garrison is full of foreigners. You’ll be great.”
“I hope so.”
Matt points at one of the bed. “I took that one, but if you like it more…”
“No, it’s fine.”
Matt moves his backpack nearer his bed so Takashi can enter with his suitcase and places it on the floor. Takashi opens the wardrobe and starts placing his clothes inside. They gave him the uniforms the day he lands in Phoenix and Takashi put particular regards in hanging them. Matt doesn’t have the same attention.
“So, what are you here for?” Matt asks.
“I want to be a pilot,” Takashi answers, with a small smile.
“Oh, cool.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll take the astrophysical course, with a specialization in geology and chemical.” He sounds proud. “Eh, we may even be on the same special expedition one day.”
“That will be nice,” Takashi says, more for courtesy.
Matt blabbers about his father being one of the up rights office at the Garrison, and the one taking care of organizing the Kerberos expedition. Takashi hears about it, even if he knows it’ll be too soon for him to have a change to be part of it. Still, it’s a project in the making and Takashi is happy enough to be there looking for it to became a thing.
Once Takashi’s suitcase is empty, he says, “I’d really would like to look around the Garrison. You know, see where the AULA and the other things are.”
“I can show you!” Matt jumps happily. “I’ve been here before, I’m the best tour guide you can find.”
“Nice,” Takashi smiles. “But you don’t have to…” He points a little at Matt’s backpack, which is still half-full with clothes.
“Uh, no.” Matt takes the entire backpack and stuffs it inside his wardrobe. “All done. We can go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
Takashi nods. He puts his own empty suitcase after his bed before realizing that he leaves his poster on the bed when he took off all the clothes. With a fast gesture, he tries to hide it below the pillow, but Matt catches it.
“What is it?”
“That, well…”
Matt opens it and blinks. “Oh, wow… I don’t even think they made posters like this.”
They don’t.
“In Japan there is a market for pilots, so…” Takashi lies.
“I see.” Matt gives it back with a small frown. “Listen… I know from outside Kogane looks like this superhero pilot, but in truth he’s an ass. Sometimes I wonder how he hasn’t get expelled yet. Maybe the Garrison is waiting to find another good pilot before discharge him.”
“Why… How do you know that?”
“My sister knows him,” Matt replies. “She studies aerospace engineering here. She invited him a couple of time to our house, and it was bad.”
Takashi remains silent. To be fair honest, despite Matt’s claim, the first time his brain gets was ‘can your sister introduce me to Kogane?’, but Takashi feels this isn’t a good idea.
“I don’t say it to upset you,” Matt says sweetly. “Just, don’t keep your hopes high just to be disappointed later, okay?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
Even if, at this point, it’s impossible for Takashi not having his hopes high. It isn’t only about Kogane, is about everything he dreamt of becoming true. He can try to focused less on the possibility of meeting Kogane, it’s fine for him, but he sure hopes to prove himself a worth pilot.
“Perfect. Let’s go, Shiro.”
Takashi blinks. “What?”
“What what?” Matt asks.
“How do you call me?”
“Isn’t Shirogane your name? Since it’s a little long I just cut it off.”
“Shirogane is actually my family name.” Takashi forgets westerns don’t have the same way of introducing themselves.
“Oh. Sorry, I thought… What was your name again then?”
“You know what, Shiro it’s fine. I like it.”
New life, new friend, new name.
Shiro is it.
***
Shiro meets Kogane for the first time three weeks after the start of the school, and in the most mundane way. He heads to the library with Matt and Adam, looking for a specific book to prove that Matt’s making up things, and Kogane is there, at one of the table.
He almost has a gay panic. Kogane is shorter than he looks in photos, and more serious in his gray uniform, but the long dark hair and the blue gaze are still here. His head rests softly in his hand, as he taps his datapad with the other.
Sitting in front of him there is a girl, with long dark blond hair in a high ponytail, glasses on, focused on the book and the papers around her. She doesn’t wear a uniform. Kogane’s girlfriend? Shiro isn’t informed about it, but Kogane is a reserved type.
“Oh, my sister’s here,” Matt notices, happy. “We can ask her.”
“No way,” Adam replies. “She’ll back you up. I want proves.”
“You’re too much untrusting.”
“She’s your sister?” Shiro asks. “You said she graduated last year.”
“Yep. Two years earlier. She’s a genius.” Matt looks a proud little brother. Funny, because he also got admitted at Garrison two years early than his age.
“She knows Kogane?” Adam realizes only who is the person at the table.
Matt’s gaze darkens. “She’s like, the only one that bear him. Never understand what she finds in him.” He takes two steps forward. “Come on, I introduce you.”
His sister notices him only when he pats her shoulder. “Katie, these are my friend, Shiro and Matt. Guys, this is Katie.”
“Nice to meet you,” Adam and Shiro says together.
“Please, call me Pidge.” She smiles and she pinches Matt’s cheeks. “Please tell me if this punk does something bad. I’ll put him in his place.”
“Ouch, Katie, stop it. You’re embarrassing me.”
“I sure hope so.”
Adam asks something to Katie, but Shiro isn’t listening anymore. His gaze is already on Kogane who, despite their arrival, is still looking at his datapad. Shiro has his space album in his bags, the one he created in the last three years he worked to get to the Garrison. He remembers Matt’s word about Kogane and, being the stubborn creature he is, decides to ignore it.
He takes his album and gets near Kogane. He coughs a little. “Excuse me, sir.”
Kogane doesn’t hear it, but the others do. Matt looks at him with a disapproving look, while Adam is uncertain. Pidge frowns, then leans her hand forward and gives a slap to Kogane’s datapad. Kogane startles.
“What the hell, Pidge?”
“He’s talking to you.”
Kogane turns his head a little and looks at Shiro with a mixture of annoyance and surprise. “Yes, cadet?”
“Can I…. Can I have an autograph?” Shiro asks. He shows his album. “I’m a fan of yours.”
He sees Matt rolling his eyes, but he ignores it. He opens the album at his favorites page, the one with the photo of the last eclipse. He stayed all day with his grandfather to get the best photo he can do.
“I don’t sign autograph,” Kogane replies. “I’m not some kind of idol.”
“I… I know,” Shiro says. “But I saw you flies and… You inspired me.”
“Everyone has, you’re not that special.” Keith returns at his datapad, ignoring Shiro and his album still opened. “And haven’t you better things to do than bothering senior officers?”
Pidge snorts. “You can do that. It’s just a signature.”
Kogane shots her a glare, and for a second they have a silent conversation only with their eyes, until Kogane sighs. “Fine.”
“No, it’s okay,” Shiro says. He closes his album. “I understand.” He puts it in his bags. “Shouldn’t we go and search for that book?”
“Uh, sure,” Matt says. He seems relieved to leave.
“What an asshole,” Adam comments once the three of them are out of their sight.
“Told you,” Matt states. “Are you okay?” he adds, towards Shiro.
“I’m fine.”
He’s not fine. He dreams too much about a meeting with Kogane to not being disappointed about the actual out coming.
But Shiro is also stubborn. If Kogane doesn’t think he’s special, well, he’ll sure prove him wrong.
***
Cadets aren’t allowed to use the spaceship simulator until their second year, and aren’t allowed to use it outside the lesson time until the third year. Third year students and forwards have card with their name and their identified number that also registers their score, so every single person that uses the simulator is register.
Matt has an anonymous card. He creates it out of boredom, and it works on the simulator, registered the score with an anonymous code. He doesn’t use it because he doesn’t want to be a pilot. Adam refuses to use it because “it’s against the rules”.
Shiro doesn’t have such a strict moral compass when it comes to harmless action as using a simulator at night to become better and surpass Kogane’s record. Not an easy task, as Shiro understands the first time he gets in the simulator and crashes three time before understanding how the commands work.
But despite the initial failure, Shiro feels the shiver of excitement just sitting down on the pilot’s seat. Even if it’s just a fake, it gives Shiro the confirmation he didn’t make an error in choosing to become a pilot. He wants to be in real space sooner or later.
Going in the simulator becomes an addiction to Shiro. At first, he tries to go only once a week, to avoid getting caught. But he’s improving, and soon he finds himself lures to the simulator at least three time at week. He rejects Adam’s invitation to go there, alone.
“You’ll get caught if you keep up this way,” Adam tells him. At first, he’s worried, but then he becomes annoyed because Shiro’s refusal to see reasoning.
Matt is a little bit supportive, until Shiro’s scores become so high they start to appear in the ten top position and caught the officer’s attention. Iverson gives a lecture to all cadets, remembering them the rule of the Garrison. Matt doesn’t fear for himself, and he doesn’t think they will expel Shiro giving his results, still he hopes Shiro starts to be satisfied and learns to control himself.
He doesn’t. The gossips around the mysterious person that keep making higher and higher scores make him ever more eager to live up their expectation. He’s still far from Kogane’s scores, but he’s better than some of the senior officers.
The day after he scores in the second place overall, beating even James Griffin’s record, he finds a new route in the simulator. It’s impossible, but Shiro almost feels he’s made for him. He selects it: an asteroid route with only one functioning engine before landing to a water planet.
Shiro can’t contain the excitement. He launches it and spends the night to complete it. He returns to the simulator the night after, and manages to score at second places again, second only to Kogane.
It becomes a routine. Every time he gets the overall best score after Kogane, he finds a new route to explore. They become more and more difficult, at point that it takes more nights before resolving them, and even more to gets the best score. Shiro realizes he’s becoming a better pilot, and now the normal route annoyed him, at the point that Iverson calls for him and gives him a lecture about how important is to follow the lesson even if he’s better than the other students.
Adam waits for him outside Iverson’s office. He’s annoyed and for a second Shiro images to being petty and accused Adam of being jealous of his talent.
Instead, Adam bites his lips and swallows back his own lecture. “We have the free night,” he says. “My roommate his out of town for personal reason, so I was thinking… why don’t you come? We can see a movie together.”
He doesn’t invite Matt. Shiro understands very well what it means. “Sure, why not,” he answers. He likes Adam, he’s nice.
“Oh, great.” Adam looks surprised Shiro accepts. “We can order a pizza and…”
“Sure. I’ll take the pineapple one.”
“Okay. I’ll call for both of us. At Eight is fine?”
“Yes. I’ll go shower and then I’ll come.”
“Yes. Perfect. I’ll wait.”
“See you later.”
Shiro doesn’t plan other than the shower. For real. But then, to reach Adam’s room he passes near the hallway that lends to the simulator and can’t resist. He doesn’t get there during the day, because it’s too risky, but he still has to make the best score for the last route. And he doesn’t have time in the night, not after accepting Adam’s invitation.
He only takes a look for Shiro to give up. He still has ten minutes before Eight. And he finished the route in six minutes the time before. Adam won’t mind a small delay. So he takes the hallway. He was about to grab the handle of the door, when it opens and James Griffin appears.
He frowns. “Cadet, this is a reserved area.”
“I… I know. It’s just…”
“Cadet Shirogane, right?” Griffin continues. Shiro is the only Japanese cadet around, so it isn’t a stretch to get it.
“Yes, sir.”
“Iverson speaks good thing about you, like you’re his favorite cadet,” Griffin says, with a smile that isn’t reassuring. “Don’t tell me you’re the mysterious man that keep using the simulator in secret.”
Shiro beats Griffin’s score many times before. Shiro wonders if he feels some anger towards the secret pilot, and if he’ll be happy to bring the culprit to Iverson and maybe making him expelled.
“Of course not, sir,” Shiro says. “It’s forbidden for first year students to use it.”
“Then why are you here?” Griffin presses.
“James, fuck off. He’s with me.” Kogane stands beside Shiro, arms crosses.
“Oh, yeah?” This time, the annoyance in James’ voice is palpable. “Cadets aren’t allowed in the simulator, not even with officers.”
“Even so, it isn’t your problem,” Kogane replies.
“I can report you. Both of you.”
“Please do so,” Kogane smiles. “I want to see you telling Iverson about the great violation of Garrison’s rules as walking in the hallway at Eight o’clock.”
Griffin snorts. “We both know you’re going to the simulator. You’re letting him in.”
“Funny thing, cadets are allowed to watch people in the simulator. This isn’t against the rules.”
“Funny thing, I didn’t picture you as a baby sitter type.”
Keith passes an arm towards Shiro’s shoulders, an easy gesture since they have almost the same height. “Do you want him?”
“I don’t have time to lose with cadets,” Griffin spats. With that, he leaves without another word.
Kogane waits for him to disappears outside the hallway, before taking off his arm to Shiro’s shoulder. Shiro is still paralyzed about what just happened to him. He’s under the impression that Kogane hates him. Maybe not him in particular, but still.
“Sorry about that,” Kogane says. “Now that Griffin considers you a friend of mine, he won’t like you and he won’t be nice to you like he is with others. Except with me. He’s always been an asshole to me.”
“No, no, it’s fine,” Shiro says. “Thank you for helping me.”
Kogane looks at him with a smart smile. “Maybe using the simulator during the day isn’t a good idea, he?” he comments. “Come with me.”
He enters in the simulator’s room as he expects Shiro to follow, and he does. Kogane sits down in the seat and turn on the simulator. He gestures at Shiro to come near before closing the door of the simulator. He put his own card and launch the route Shiro is trying to win.
Shiro grips the back of the seat as he watches the screen. He saw Kogane’s flying many times before, but this is the first time he had the luck to see one directly. It’s like being in a spaceship with Kogane, and it’s amazing. He can’t help but smile of excitement for the entire duration of the simulation.
“Wow,” he comments, al last. He doesn’t need to look at the score to know it’s even higher than before.
Kogane shots him a look. “Come on, give it a try.”
Shiro swallows. He wants to. He wants to fly, and he wants to fly with Kogane there with him. “It’s against the rules,” he says instead.
“Oh, it doesn’t seem a problem when you sneaked inside at night,” Kogane comments casually as he prepares the simulator for restarting the route.
“You know it’s me?”
“I have the habits to use the simulator at night too,” Kogane explains. “I saw you sneaking inside weeks ago.”
“And you didn’t say anything.”
“Why should I? I used to do the same when I was a cadet. With the difference that Pidge creates for me a badge that leaves no trace at all. Iverson never found me.”
“Oh, so you have the smarter Holt sibling on your side,” Shiro says. “Unfair.”
Kogane laughs – and it’s beautiful. A full, cheer laughter. “Sure I have. But I have the impression you don’t mind the publicity too much.” He smirks at him a little, and Shiro avoids his eyes, as a lips erupts from his lips.
“Maybe,” he whispers.
“Do, do you want to try or not?”
“…yes.”
Kogane stands up to let the free spot in the seat. Shiro put on his own card and launches the simulation. After seeing Kogane’s, his grip on the controller isn’t steady like always, and the fact he’s been watched does not help. He still finished the simulation, but with a very low score.
“Damn,” he mutters under his breath. Kogane’s expression doesn’t change.
“Do you want to know the trick?” he asks.
For a second, Shiro think to answer no, that he wants to get it himself. But then, nods. Kogane is here and he’s teaching him. Shiro isn’t sure he will get another chance.
“The trick isn’t not even try to save the ship,” Kogane says. “At a certain point, being a good pilot isn’t avoiding the crash, is crashing but saving everyone. A good pilot can land in the worst situation.”
“But how do you know it’s better crashing?”
“That, I can’t say,” Kogane admits. “For me, it’s always being a feeling. Feeling if the ship can be saved or not. But experience can work too.”
“Okay.” Shiro nods and launches the simulation again. This time, he follows Kogane’s advices and let the ship near the surface before landing safely. In this way, he avoids most of the damages at the ship and at the crew.
“Good job,” Kogane smiles, and he looks proud.
Shiro looks at the score: second place again. He smiles brightly. “You’re the one that created this simulation, aren’t you?”
Kogane nods. “Yes. I do that in my free time, to keep myself fit.”
“Oh,” Shiro says.
“Why do you sound disappoint?” Kogane raises an eyebrown.
“I… don’t?”
“Is that a question?”
Shiro rolls his eyes. “Okay, my best guess it was someone doing it for me. Not for me-me, for the anonymous pilot that breaks records. But I’m not that special, as you said.”
Kogane chuckles a little. “Maybe your guess wasn’t so far-fetcher,” he says. “Aren’t the standard Garrison’s simulations boring after a while? Especially if you’re such a good pilot.”
Shiro blinks. He’s saying what Shiro thinks he’s saying. “They kinda are,” he admits.
“That’s what I thought.”
Shiro’s datapad rings. With an apologetic smile, Shiro takes it to check: it’s Adam, and at that moment Shiro remembers he’s late for their evening. His fingers flinches, but he doesn’t answer.
Kogane pats his shoulder a little. “Until next time, cadet Shirogane.”
“Shiro,” he whispers. “Everyone call me Shiro.”
“Fine, then. Shiro. I’m Keith.”
Adam’s call stops. Shiro writes down a small message for him, to apologize for cancelling their meeting with such short notice. He hopes Adam won’t be too angry at him, but he can’t let this change slipping from him.
“Would you… teach me some other trick? With the other simulations you created.”
“Don’t you have something to do for the evening?”
“No.”
Shiro held his breath as Kogane tilts his head a little while observing him. “Okay, then. I don’t have anything else to do too.”
***
Five days later, Adam is still angry at him. Shiro pleas for forgiveness countless time, he brings him chocolate and even if Adam swears thigs are fine between them, Shiro still feels something is off between them.
Matt, despite not knowing about the all Friday night fiasco, notices it, and being a sweetheart, he jumps on the trail to bring things back to normal. “Would you like to go to the city this Saturday?” he proposes. There is an exhibition I’d like to see, and we can stop by for lunch. My sister suggested me a very good hot dog trunk.”
Shiro smiles in Adam’s direction. “It sounds nice.”
“I’m in,” Adam says. “Can’t say the same for Shiro.”
He rolls his eyes. This time, isn’t sorry anymore. “I apologize already. How much time do you want to drag this?”
Adam realizes he went too far, because his gaze shifts on the left. “Sorry,” he comments. “It’s just… you can tell me the truth. You can tell me you changed your mind, instead of making up silly excuses.”
“It’s not an excuse…” Shiro starts.
“Please, tell me again how you spent the evening with Kogane at the simulator.”
“Wait, what?” Matt chips in, and he looks incredulous too.
Shiro frowns. “It’s supposed to be a secret, so do no tell around.”
“Because it’s not true,” Adam retorts.
“He really doesn’t sound like… like Kogane at all,” Matt has to agree.
Funny, Shiro agrees too. But his point of view is a little bit different, because, after their evening, Shiro started to believe that people have no idea of the real Keith, and that Keith doesn’t do anything for them to change their minds. He probably doesn’t care enough. But he does care enough about Shiro to help him put with the simulator.
Fine, if Adam and Matt don’t believe him, he won’t do anything else to change their mind either.
“Speaking about the devil…” Adam murmurs.
Keith enters in the canteen alongside with Griffin. The two of them seem to have at least a civil conversation, probably because Iverson his behind them and they try to keep their emotions under control. Then, Griffin turns to tell something to Iverson and Keith leaves them.
Shiro doesn’t expect for Keith to greet him, let aside coming to him, so he just watches as he grabs his tray of food, guessing he will eat at the table alone. His eyes widen as Keith walks in his direction.
“Hi, Shiro.”
It takes two second for Shiro to reach. He jumps still, abandoning his fork on the table and almost letting his chair falling down. “Yes, sir!”
Keith raises an eyebrow. “You did it to prove me I’m small?” Shiro is five centimeters taller than him of is at least, and he’s bigger too.
“N-no, that wasn’t…” Shiro flushes.
Keith smiles, and Shiro relaxes a bit. “Are you free this Sunday? I want to show you something.”
“I, uh, sure. I’m free. Totally free.”
“Good. Meet me at the third hangar at four, then. Put something comfy.”
With that, he leaves the canteen, tray still in his hand. One of the RESPONSABILI try to yell at him that eating outside the room is forbidden, but he doesn’t stop. Shiro slumps back on his chair, wondering what just happens.
“What. Was. That?” Matt asks slowly, his mouth wide opens.
“I’m not sure,” Shiro admits.
He throws a look around and realizes all the eyes of the people are on himself. Even Griffin and Iverson’s one, and for a second Shiro fears they will come to tell him something, to forbid him to see Keith. None of them moves and, after ten minutes, the situation returns back to normal, even if the whispers around continues.
“I’m sorry,” Adam comments. “I… I was an ass. I should have believed you, it’s just…”
“Incredible, eh?” Shiro ends the sentence for him. “And I should be the one apologizing, because I’ll skip our Saturday together.”
Nor Adam neither Matt can say anything about it.
***
Shiro arrives at the hangar a little early than four o’clock. It’s stupid from his part to be nervous: he already spends an entire night together with Keith in the simulator and it isn’t a date in a romantic sense. Still, he is and he checks his clothes – a pair of jeans with boots and a blue sweater with a white shirt – to calm himself.
Keith is already there. He doesn’t notice Shiro at first: he’s knelling down next to a red hoverbike, checking its engine. He wears a leather jacket and he looks a lot like Shiro’s poster. He concentrates on his work and Shiro just stares at him, at the way his dark hairs move and his big blue eyes.
“Oh, ehi,” Keith greets him with a big smile as he notices him. He closes the engine and stands up. “Are you waiting for long?”
“I just arrived. Great bike.” Shiro nods in the direction of the hoverbike.
“Yeah, it’s my baby.” Keith rubs the red surface with an affectionate smile. “Have you ever try one?”
“Yes. It wasn’t mine, but my grandfather’s neighbor let me use his from time to time.” Shiro remembers fondly the days he raced with the hoverbike around Hokkaido’s campaign. When it was winter especially, flying below the white expanse of the ground and the cold breeze on his face.
“Oh, great, then.” Keith throws a helmet at Shiro and starts to look around. The third hangar is full of hoverbikes, and Keith gets near and check the engine of another one. “This one it’s good. It’s Griffin’s.” He winks at Shiro and he opens the main door of the hangar.
“Can we take it?” Shiro wears the helmet, but waits before taking the hoverbike.
“He won’t notice. Let’s go.”
Keith jumps on his own and turns on the engine. In a second, he’s out and Shiro doesn’t have much time to think. He takes the hoverbike and follows Keith out of the Garrison’s field.
“Where are we going?” he screams.
“You’ll see,” it’s Keith’s only answer.
The buildings if the Galaxy Garrison are in the middle of the Arizona desert, full of canyons. Shiro never realizes they make an actual nice road to race over. Ten minutes inside and Shiro already forgets he just stole Griffin’s hoverbike, too taken by the feeling of the bike below him.
Keith is a good racer, of course. Shiro follows his lead alongside the canyon’s path, letting his mouth screams every time they do a particular hard move. Keith doesn’t turn to look at him, but he seems to enjoy the race as much as Shiro.
Shiro is able to follow up with him until they reach the end of the cliff. As he slows down, he saw in awe as Keith let his hoverbike over it, able to fly and land perfectly at the bottom of the ravine. Keith laughs happily as he continues to race, and Shiro hurries to find another path to climb down and catch up with him.
Keith stops at the entrance of another canyon, waiting for Shiro. “That was great,” Shiro comments as he parks next to him. “How do you do that?”
“It’s all about feeling.” Keith shrugs. “Feeling the right moment to press the pedal.”
“I hope I’ll be able to get that feeling one day.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ll be.” Keith jumps back on his hoverbike and heads for the center of the canyon.
“Maybe we should go back,” Shiro proposes. “We got pretty far from the Garrison.”
“Are you joking? The best has yet to come.”
They reach a small shackle in the desert, hidden after a small hill. It looks abandoned, with the small porch in front full of grass and junks. Keith tinker with the handler to open the door.
“Who lives here?” Shiro asks.
“Me.”
“What?”
Keith enters and gestures at Shiro to sit down in one of the chair in the kitchen. “It’s my dad’s house. When I was a child, we lived here.” He places his backpack on the table. “When he died, I went to the orphanage and then at the Garrison when they admit me, so nobody else take care of this house, but it’s still mine.” He takes off a small hot plate from the cupboard and connect it to the electricity. “I come here from time to time.”
“I see.” Shiro doesn’t ask what he wants to know more: why does Keith bring Shiro there, in his own old house?
He sits there, in silence, and looks while Keith put a small box on the hot plate to warm, and places two plastic dishes and two beer cans on the table.
“I can’t drink,” Shiro states. “I’m a minor.”
“Oh.” Keith sounds like he didn’t think about it. “Well, the water should be edible.” He opens the tab and brown liquid erupts with a cough from it. “Or maybe not. Sorry”
“It’s okay,” Shiro comments. He opens one of the can. “If you don’t tell anyone…”
Keith smirks. “It won’t be the worst thing of today.”
“No, I already stole a hoverbike, so.” He takes a sip and tries to not look too much like a virgin.
“You’re a criminal.” Keith laughs. He divides the content of the box in the two dishes. Shiro takes a piece of it with his fingers.
“Is this… a tamagoyaki?”
Keith nods. “My father was half-Japanese and he taught me some recipes. I’m not as good as a cook though.”
Shiro eats the first bit and licks his lips. “It’s pretty good.”
“You’re a bad liar, but thank you.”
Keith tries a piece himself. “Edible, at least.” Shiro looks in awe as he sucks his finger.
“You made it for me?” he asks. “Because I’m Japanese?”
“Not many people here can appreciate it,” Keith replies dryly. He looks flusters and Shiro decides to let it go. For now.
“Why did you bring me here? In your house?”
Keith looks at him, but there isn’t fear in Shiro. “It’s the only cover spot around for dinner,” Keith explains. “What I want to show you it’s only at evening.”
Shiro may ask, but he doesn’t. He’s curious to see Keith revealing it step after step. After dinner, Keith places back the hot plate in the cupboard and he cleans the dishes with papers before putting them in the backpack. He put it on his shoulder and returns outside.
Shiro follows. “Where are we going?” he asks, seeing Keith jumping on his hoverbike.
Keith throws him another can of beer. “Nowhere.” He lies down on his own hoverbike, hands behind his head, and he doesn’t add anything.
With a small frown, Shiro takes another sip of beer before imitating him. His head lies on the cold metal of the hoverbike and his eyes see the dark sky above him. He gasps. There, so far from the city lights, the stars are endless and blinding. Shiro feels as his body is floating in the space.
“It’s amazing,” he whispers. “Incredible.”
“I hoped you like it.”
“I do! I do…” Shiro licks his lips. “I used to go and see the sky in Hokkaido, but it was hard to find a spot so clear…” His heart is beating fast.
“Yeah. I’m lucky I grew up here. I’ve always lured by the stars since I was a child.”
“You have been in space,” Shiro points out.
“I have.” Keith’s tone is sweet, nostalgic. “It’s a wonderful place. Make all your worries disappeared. You are nothing in the space.”
“I want to go there.”
“You will.”
“I have a disease. A muscle disease. I don’t know how much meds can keep me-”
“Shiro,” Keith interrupts him. “Do not let anyone tell you you can’t.”
Shiro bits his lips. He takes another sip of beer. “Why are you so nice to me?”
For a while, Keith remains silent. “We look similar,” he answers, at least.
“You told me I’m not special,” Shiro says. “You was an asshole back then. Everyone think so. You’re not. You’re kind.”
“I’m not actually-” Keith begins.
“I’m glad you show this to me,” Shiro continues. “But why me? Why not everyone else?”
“I’m not good with people,” Keith admits. “I have problems… connecting with people. When I became Garrison’s best pilot, people started look at me with expectation. And then they are disappointed because I don’t live their expectations.”
“I think I understand that.”
“It’s easier being the one disappoint people before they can be disappointed by themselves,” Keith finishes.
“But you’re friend with Matt’s sister,” Shiro points out.
“Because she’s like me. She’s a genius, she had it hard because of it. But apart her, people will give up on me sooner or later anyway.”
“I won’t!” Shiro exclaims. “I won’t give up on you, never!”
He pales as he realizes what he just said, and Keith’s lost expression. “I should say that for you, kid,” Keith chucks. He smiles sweetly. “But thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
They return at Garrison late at night. Keith has done it before, so he knows how to enter without being noticed. They part way on the hangar, because Keith needs to check Griffin’s hoverbike so he won’t notice someone using it. Shiro thanks him again for the day and rushes to his room.
Matt is sleeping. Shiro lies in his bed without a sound and sinks his head in the pillow.
He had a huge, hopeless crush on Keith and there’s no point in negate it anymore. Not now that he met the real deal.
***
The news arrives after the exams. Matt is jumping in the hallway, so happy they finish them after a two week of hard studying, and his sister tackles him from behind.
“Hei, what the hell,” he protests, as she pinches his cheeks.
“Don’t complain,” she replies. “You have in front the scientist that has been chosen for the Kerberos mission.”
Matt’s eyes widen together with his mouth. “Congratulation!” he exclaims. “Even if there isn’t anyone else they can choose.”
“Oh, thank you,” she pouts.
“Ehi, I meant in a positive light! Like, you’re the best!”
“Who is the pilot?” Shiro asks. Deep inside, he already knows the answer.
Pidge confirms it. “Who else they could have chosen?”
“Sure.”
Adam looks at him with a small frown, but Shiro doesn’t add anything. He leaves the two friends behind, and Matt is too distracted by his sister’s success to notice, and Adam just lets him go.
He finds Keith inside Iverson’s office. He stands here, outside the door, enough far to not hearing their conversation, but near enough to see once Keith leaves the room. Then, he approaches him.
“Ehi,” Keith greets him.
“I heard you will be the pilot for the Kerberos mission,” Shiro states.
“Oh, yeah. Iverson just gave me a lecture about how I’m supposed to at from now on, since this is a big project for the Garrison and bla bla bla.”
“Well, it is.”
“It is,” Keith confirms. “Man, I can’t wait to be on space again.”
They walk together in the hallway. “So, how it will go from now?”
“In two weeks, the other members of the crew and I will do a four weeks special training to prepare for the mission. Then, three months for reaching Kerberos.”
“The longest trip of humanity.”
“It’s fine by me. Including the month will stay on Kerberos, it’s a seven-months trip in the space. It’ll be great.”
“Yeah, it’ll be great,” Shiro confirms.
Keith stops his steps. “What’s the problem?”
“Nothing. Really, nothing. I’m happy for you.” Shiro looks at the ground. “Just… I’ll miss you.”
“Oh.” Keith smiles fondly. “It’s nice from you.” He places a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll come back, you know. And we can race in the desert again.”
Shiro nods. “Sure.” He has the feeling that speaking too much will result in him crying, and he doesn’t want to upset Keith in his great day.
“Speaking of it… would you like to come at the launch with me?” Keith asks. “We are allowed to bring someone before the training session starts.”
“Yes! Yes, it’s be great.” Shiro wants to be on the launch sites since he got admitted at the Garrison. Being with Keith just made everything better. “But are you sure you want me to come?”
Keith shrugs. “There isn’t anyone else but you for me.”
***
There isn’t anyone else but Shiro for his funeral too.
Commander Hold was appreciated by all his colleagues and the scientific community mourns Pidge and her brain. Also, they have a family, a wife and a mother and a son and a brother that cry for them and will miss them. Nobody will miss Keith, and the other pilots will take his top stop from now on.
Iverson makes a generic discourse at the funeral. He doesn’t use it to blame the fault of the incident on Keith, but everyone else already know the Garrison puts it under the “pilot error” accidents. Everyone know they blamed Keith for the death of two important people.
Even Matt blamed Keith. He makes it pretty clear as he yelled at Shiro, only because he tried to say something about it. Shiro looks at him: he sits down next to his mother, still sobbing against her chest. Shiro wants to leave, but he has to be there.
He has to be there for Keith.
Someone touches his arm. Adam. “How are you?”
Shiro shrugs. “Like one at his mentor’s funeral, with one of his best friend that hates him, so not so bad, I guess.”
“Matt doesn’t hate you,” Adam says. “He’s at the anger stage of grieving.”
“I know.” It still hurts.
His eyes return to the funeral ceremony, and Adam doesn’t add anything. He just remains there at his side, but Shiro can’t tell him anything. Shiro can’t be the person Adam wants him to be, just like Keith wasn’t the person everyone wanted him to be.
At least, Shiro thinks, he died in the place he loved most. The space.
After the funeral, Shiro takes the red hoverbike. Keith left the key for him, so he could go around by himself if he wants to. He heads for the desert: he can’t reach the shack by himself, so he just wanders around between the canyons. Ho stops by the hill they used to jump from and stay there for a while.
His grandfather calls for him a couple of time, but Shiro refuses to answer. He can’t face him for now, even if he knows his grandfather means well. Shiro just needs sometime to cool down. Keith told him to not give up, and he won’t. He will become a pilot and he’ll go in space, he’ll go to Kerberos.
Alone, again, as at the beginning of his dream.
The warm wind of the desert rushes against him. Tears come down his face and Shiro let them. He sobs, curled in himself, throat dry and shakes by tremors.
Once he calms down, he wipes off the tears and comes back to the Garrison. It’s a sad day, so nobody complains about him being outside despite the rules. Shiro checks the hoverbike and caresses its metal a little before leaving it in the hangar.
He returns in his room and, to his surprise, Matt is there, sitting down in his bed, his laptop on his knees, cuff on his ears. He lifts his gaze at Shiro’s entrance, and Shiro just nods a little as a greeting gesture. He turns his back at Matt and collects his pajamas.
“Shiro,” Matt calls.
Shiro turns at him with a taut smile.
“I’m sorry,” Matt says. “What I said…”
“It’s okay,” Shiro interrupts him. “I understand.”
His father and his sister’s died. Matt has every right to be sad and angry. And, even if it hurts, he has reason into thinking that Shiro’s grieving isn’t comparable, since Shiro has known Keith for a less than a year.
“No, you don’t.”
But Shiro won’t stay and let Matt grieves on his face. “If that’s how you want to play it, you can spare your efforts. I’m done bearing your grieving, I have my own and I deserve it.”
“No!” Matt’s expression turns into a panic one. “That’s not what I meant.” His gaze moves to his side and he grits his teeth.
“What do you mean then?” Shiro presses.
Matt sighs. “Pidge and I… we made a communication device. So she can send me message from Kerberos.”
Shiro blinks. “This s definitely against the rules.”
“We know! But…” Matt smiles. “It’s just between the two of us. No scientific secrets or anything. But do not tell anyone, okay?”
“I won’t.” Shiro just understands. “Did she leave you a message before the incident?”
“No.” Matt shakes his head. “But I turn on today, after the funeral… it was stupid from my part, you know, because I know Pidge couldn’t answer… it was a way to keep her near…”
He trembles, and Shiro sits down next to him and places a hand on his shoulder. “Easy, man.”
Slowly, Matt takes off one of his earphone and gives it to Shiro. He takes it and put it on, expecting a sad song or even a happy one. He frowns, as he listens at the strange record Matt is playing. A language Shiro doesn’t recognize.
“What is it?”
“The device responds when I turned it on,” Matt says. “It shouldn’t have. If the ship went destroyed in the impact, the device would have to.”
“Maybe it didn’t, for some reason,” Shiro says, and his guess seems weak to him too.
“Even so, it should be on Kerberos. What are those voices?” Matt replies. “I run a vocal program to find out the language. It doesn’t exist on Earth.”
Shiro swallows. “I’m pretty sure there is a logical explanation for it.”
“That’s what I thought.” Matt gives a smart smile. “So I hacked the Garrison’s database.”
“You did what?” Shiro exclaims. “And then you bother me about using the simulator.”
“Well, I gave you the card for it, remember?” Matt replies. “Don’t you want to see what I found?”
“Of course I do,” Shiro answers immediately, a little too eager than he wants to show.
Matt smirks. “They have the records of the landing on Kerberos.”
Shiro blinks. “But if they have it…”
“It means that there wasn’t any crash on Kerberos.” Matt nods. “Whatever it happens ut there, Shiro, it wasn’t a pilot error.”
***
Shiro, Matt and Veronica get out from the simulator after nailing the practice exercise perfectly. They are welcomed by an applause from the other students and by a proud nod from Iverson.
“This is how you do it, cadets,” Iverson says. “Do you realize what Shirogane, McCain and Hold did and you didn’t?”
Murmurs come from the group of students, and Shiro exchanges a look with Adam, that smiles back at him. He isn’t going to answer.
“You will do a short essay about today’s simulation,” Iverson orders. “You’re dismisses from today.”
The students leave the room grumbling. Veronica walks before them while Adam reaches for them. “Good job,” he comments.
“Thanks,” Matt grins. “Since we’re exonerated by the essay, tonight let’s go to do a little bit of observation.”
“Speak for yourself,” Adam replies, with a frown. “But fine for me. I’ll manage.”
Veronica turns her head at them. “What are you talking about.”
“Nothing. Man’s things.”
Wrong sentence to say to Veronica. She stops, she adjusts her glasses and then she puts her face very near Matt’s. “I know you all slip out of Garrison at evening.”
Matt laughs nervously. “Yeah, man’s things, as I said.”
“Girls?”
“Yeah, girls.”
“Good, because I like them too. I’m coming. I don’t have essay too.”
She crosses her arms and she looks at them daring to tell her no. The three of them shot glares at each other, trying to find a solution. Shiro decides the truth may be the best solution. A part of truth, at least.
“We aren’t go for girls,” he says. “And I’m gay, by the way. We’re looking for aliens.”
Veronica blinks. “That you’re gay, I can believe it,” she comments. “But aliens? No, thanks. We’ll see you three tonight, and then we’ll see what you’re up to.”
So she waits for them at the exit of the men’s dorm, so they can’t escape her. They takes Shiro’s hoverbike and head for the nearest hill in the desert. They park there and Matt places around his laptop and his equipment.
“There is a strange activity tonight,” Matt comments.
“What activities?” Veronica asks.
“We’re intercept frequencies that comes from the space,” Shiro explains. “Usually are asteroids or the solar activities, but sometime else it could be…”
“Aliens? For real?”
“We warned you,” Adam remembered her.
She snorted. “Still, I can’t believe the brightest minds of our generation are alien conspirationists.”
“We’re space nerds,” Shiro points out. “Isn’t it normal believe that there is someone else out there?”
At that, Veronica doesn’t seem to have an answer. “Even so, I doubt we will find aliens with a made-up equipment when even the Garrison hasn’t find any evidence…”
“Then, what about that?” Matt jumps on, almost letting his laptop failing on the ground.
They all look at the sky where Matt is pointing his finger, and they all see something rushing down at high speed. In the dark night, it isn’t easy to understand what it is, but its form is round.
“Is that an asteroid?” Adam comments.
“It’s too small,” Veronica replies. “It should have burned in the atmosphere. It can be a plane?”
“There isn’t airplane with that form,” Shiro says.
Whatever it is, it crashes in the desert not far from them. The sound of the impact is terrible, but there isn’t an explosion, neither a fire. The thing just lies there inside the hole it created.
“Tha Garrison must’ve seen it,” Adam guesses.
“It means we don’t have much time.” Matt jumps on the hoverbike and gestures at Shiro. “We need to get there before them.”
“Maybe we should let them go.” Veronica still gets on the hoverbike. “Maybe that thing is radioactive or something.”
Shiro turns on the engine and the hoverbike flashes in the night. “The something can be an alien.”
Veronica rolls her eyes. “I apologize for join your secret evening. It won’t happen again.”
“Shut up and look.” Matt stretches his neck. From the hill they’re driving in, they can see the crater. The thing inside doesn’t look like an airplane, but the form is similar to a Garrison’s pod. The layout is different.
“My God. It’s an alien ship.” Veronica gasps.
“Maybe not,” Adam reasoning. “It’s dark, maybe it’s a new Garrison prototype…”
Then the door of the spaceship opens and a slender figure trips out of it.
“An alien!” Matt screams.
Shiro accelerates and jumps off the cliff, with Veronica’s scream in his ears (Matt and Adam are used to it at that point). He reaches the crater in the moment the figure from the spaceship manages to climb it.
They all hold their breath as they figure limps in their direction. Even if he wears a strange suit, he actually looks human, with long dark hair except for two white locks on front. They watch him, his legs, his arms.
Shiro gets off the hoverbike and takes two step forwardsm even if the other try to stop him and grab him to take him back.
“Hi.”
The figure lifts his head and Shiro’s heart misses a beat.
“Keith…”
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